Next–Working with Fear #2
You will obviously not write away your #1 fear but the objective here is to start to confront it–by naming it, reflecting upon–thinking of how it has served you, as well as been a disservice. It’s a lot to take in–don’t expect to get it all written out now. Our fears prevent us from living our full serves but in some ways they are there to protect us, too.
If you fear getting burned by a hot stove you don’t touch it, for example. But at some point, you may want to learn to get close enough to cook, or to pick up a pot, to eat and nurture yourself–etc. The analogy here is to learn to work with the fear. It gets reduced to be in proportion to something realistic in your life.
Let’s go to Fear #2:
We’ll take this one on as if we were writing fiction, a short story…the story of you. Look at Fear #2 and let’s personify it, make it into a character in your story. Take a minute to think of who/what the fear looks like as a person. Give it a name. Consider the five senses: What does s/he look like, smell, sound like? (Whose voice?) If you put your hand out what does s/he feel like or if s/he embraces you what does that feel like?
Invite them to sit across from you to have a chat. You are going to interview Feara#2 who now has a name. Ask them about your first encounter. What do they know about you? Now ask Fear #2 following questions:
- What does Fear#2 care about most?
- What does Fear a#2 hope to accomplish by being in your life?
- Does your fear trust you? Why or why not?
- What is your fear most afraid of?
You are conducting this interview with Fear #2 (but you may obviously do this with any of your fears) as if it were a person. Be honest. Write as much as you want. When you are done, stop and read over. Any surprises? Anything you want to expand on? Make notes. When you are done for now, tell Fear #2 to get sit next to Fear #1 for now.
Go to the next post and continue with the Face Your Fears workshop. Thank you.
Kristina March 30, 2020 - 21:07
Fear #2 cares about making me aware of the temporal nature of life, this fear is a constant reminder of, not only my mother’s mortality but my own as well.
This fear hopes to make me closer to my mother, to heals the past that keeps us apart, that makes us angry when we speak about certain things.
This fear seeks to find peace.
The moment I became aware of my mother’s mortality, this fear settled in. This fear trusts that as long as my mother is alive, this fear will be with me.
My mother’s death
Ana Castillo March 30, 2020 - 21:13 – In reply to: Kristina
Great to identify.
Do you think you can write more about this now? Maybe in an epistolary form to your mother? The fear seeks to find peace you said, to heal and bring you closer to your mother. Perhaps you can address these fears to her?
Kristina March 30, 2020 - 21:24 – In reply to: Ana Castillo
Ah that’s a brilliant and intimidating request, isn’t it?
Kristina March 30, 2020 - 21:25 – In reply to: Kristina
Challenge accepted. I’ll work on it
DeeLisa March 30, 2020 - 21:27
Now that I think about it, my fear was not the rooster, Roo, but it was the idea of getting hurt. I did not want to feel the pain of getting pecked by a rooster. I heard enough stories to tell me it was painful, and sometimes, bloody. I was terrified of getting hurt. So I ran, and remained vigilant the minute I walked out the door. Often, I carried a broom or some stick-like object to keep it away from me. It was a dance when we encountered one another. I’d laugh when I saw him chase another because we all moved so quickly, but really , I was more afraid of what “might” happen as opposed to what “actually” happened. Did he ever peck me? No. Did all of my attention focus on him, and not enough time on the blue hummingbirds in the trees? Yes. I carried a stick and danced a quick and anxious dance, but I missed the young foals jumping as they defied gravity. I see now that I have worked hard at avoiding pain — relationships, some friendships. I’m so afraid of getting hurt. I feel like I’ve “out-smarted” several things, but I’ve also NOT done so.
Oh my gosh…I’m illiterate. I did not read the prompt correctly. I continued with fear #1.
DeeLisa Begay March 30, 2020 - 21:35 – In reply to: DeeLisa
My fear of getting hurt knows me very well. It is almost, if not jealous to let me go. Since I was a child, it has told me to be afraid of getting hurt. Oh, my fear prided itself on keeping me safe and all to itself. I fell in love many times, and it told me as I had become trusting — “not him. He tricks you.” I believed the fear when it was a man who cared about me, and when my fear knew it was a shady man, my fear laughed and said, “go for it. You will come back to me.” And, I did. My fear at this time in my life trusts me — I’ve not let it down. I’d feel naked without my fear.
Ana Castillo March 30, 2020 - 21:47 – In reply to: DeeLisa Begay
Interested to see what the future you will advise you about this fear…
We know sometimes we fear pain of all kinds although some is unavoidable–as in getting hurt.
The thing is we’re human and the people we grow to love are human and imperfect. You may grow smarter and avoid people who go out of their way to be hurtful…and to make those choices show huge personal growth. But no relationship ever promises you won’t get your feelings hurt somewhere along the way.
Ana Castillo March 30, 2020 - 21:40 – In reply to: DeeLisa
You’re not illiterate by any means! There’s no rules here, just prompts, suggested exercises and trying to explore ‘fears’ as places inside ourselves that make us get stuck. You’ve already done a lot of work. As for working with any of the fears–you may choose one or all, they’re all yours and all connected. Grownups, especially the adults in our lives who love and protect us, have a lot of power. Their words sometimes carry bigger meaning than intended. It sounds like your mother’s warnings were taken to. heart by the little girl in you and as you grew up you continued to apply them. But what do I know? I’m just the writing workshop facilitator here. Keep going & mucha suerte.
Yolanda Orozco March 31, 2020 - 05:26
Part 2: An Interview with Debt-AKA Mike
Mike is a towering figure at 6’9. People think he should have been a basketball player, but he played football in high school and college. He went pro, but got kicked out his first year due to overconsumption of alcohol and partying. He sits across from me in a deep blue stuffed low back arm chair with his slightly tan skin, brown eyes, and short brown hair. He’s stop in your tracks handsome, and he uses his smile to disarm you…which works for him when he comes knocking to collect your debts. One would think that since he deals with money he’d be dressed in a smart slim fit suit. But no. he sits there casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He wants me to feel like he is just an everyday person like you and I. I take a deep breathe, and I smell whisps of bourbon and spicy cologne. It reminds me of Carolina Herrera for men with its layers of citrus, tobacco and pepper. I prepare myself. I remember his voice. Its smooth, not too deep, just deep enough to lull your senses into trusting him. He can be gregarious and enchanting and turn serious in a heartbeat. When he reaches out to shake your hand, his grip is firm, and if he embraced you in a hug, you feel secure, and again this is all to lull you into trusting him before he springs his request for you to pay up.
Q What do you care most about?
Mike: Money of course! I mean, isn’t it money that runs the world? I want money. Don’t you? Who doesn’t want money!? You can’t survive without it. We are in a capitalistic society, and money talks! Money is king! C’mon! Admit it. You would be lost without money. Just do me a favor, babe. Use it wisely, and SAVE for a rainy day. I know you messed up when you were a kid. I got the notes up here on that(tapping his head with his index finger). Stop trusting everyone to do the right thing when it comes to money, especially YOUR money. Its ok to help people, but you can’t help everyone. Look, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t always have to be with money. I know you got that from your dad. Take more of your moms approach, and do things for others that don’t require you to pay out an arm and a leg. Otherwise, I may get sent to take your arm and leg. (sheepish smile). And I don’t want to do that, babe.
Q What do you hope to accomplish by being in my life?
Mike: Well..(He sits back in his chair and folds his arms behind his head, while stretching out his long redwood legs. He looks at me, studying me. He’s staring at me while rocking his left leg back and forth. He suddenly sits forward and leans closer and whispers-“ I hope to help you”.
I ask, “But HOW can you help me? You’re DEBT! I don’t want to be in debt! I want to live and not worry about who I owe, how much I owe, and more importantly, am I going to be able to pay this or that!?
Mike: Babe! Babe..babe… I can help. I can help! Because debt in the past taught you a lesson. You know to pay down and pay off your balances. You’re doing that. You’ve done that! I am here to keep reminding you that you’re on the right track, so you can be debt free..well… except for a few things. ..but you know what I mean. C’mon, babe. You just need to stay on track so I don’t have to come knocking for payment. I like fun, not friction. Unless the friction is fun. (Grinning).
Q Do you Trust me? Why or why not?
Mike: I gotta hand it to you, babe. You’ve been doing good. I was worried a few years ago. I thought I was gonna have to make a visit that wasn’t going to be pleasant. But you made a plan, and you stuck to it. Hey, my visits lately have all been to check in and say,”Good job, babe! Look at that credit score! Let’s toast to that! But now with all this virus shit, you’ve been spending more than usual. ( I try to get a word in, but he puts up his hand) No, no, no. I get it. You knew this “stay-at-home” , pseudo martial-law shit was gonna go down and you wanted to prepare in advance. I get it. I get it. But I’m worried you’re going to go down the path to exponential spending like you did after 9/11. Remember that? Yeah. You became a QVC junkie and bought shit you didn’t need. You were like a junkie looking for another fix. That lead you down the road to excessive partying and paying for everything under the sun! I admit that I loved it! It was a fucking fun ride with the top down! But then the shit got real with me a few years later and I was sent to be the asshole. Look. I don’t want to be an asshole again. Just watch it. Okay? (by now he has his hands on both sides of my chair, and he’s looking dead serious in my eyes).
Q What are you most afraid of?
Mike: (He sits back in his chair, keeps eye contact, picks up his bourbon) I think I just told you in so many words, babe. Don’t make me be an asshole (take a sip while keeping eye contact and winks).
Yolanda Orozco March 31, 2020 - 05:31
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry about Mike’s vocabulary! I should have just sent this to you.Sorry!